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May 04, 2004

You're Fired

If I ran a reality show, it would be based on a company called Platypotus. Motto: Mistake Driven

Platypotus dba Platitude Presidency, could be vastly improved through a careful "negative hiring" process. Run by the CEO President its future earnings ratio is over the top. Liquid assets are at an all time high, but its solid waste division is overproducing.

There's a glut of poorly made inventory, which is currently selling, but the market's close to saturation. Streamlining recommendations toward a more beautiful and better tomorow, not to mention a cleaner bottom .. line, are to reposition the following:

Donald Rumsfeld: Good qualities. Is tough. Shows up personally to support troops. Bad qualities. When he shows up doesn't seem to hear a damn thng they say. Bad to begin with, his ballooning ego was clearly exacerbated by being named one of People's most beautiful people in 2002. He closes his mind to reality on the ground and has lost the confidence of those underneath him.

The CEO. George Walker Bush. Should walk. Good qualities. He talks a good game. Inspires confidence on new ideas when they are launched. Bad qualities. Has little interest in the follow through, in achieving the goals through rational and expected means. Surrounds himself with yes men and women, while at the same forgetting those doubts he does briefly entertain in the face of stronger, more persuasive personalities.

Gale Norton. Heavy on the expense account through so much travel. Little gain. A drag. Company thinks her department is baggage. Company needs to refocus its energies not take advantage of one of its most compelling assets. Outlook on this goal - very poor.

Paul Wolfowitz. Can't shut up. He plays by a different set of rules designed for a different industry. For instance, talk radio. Undoubtedly smart - but stupid with it.

Karl Rove. A one-man think tank, fluffer and handler. Thinks tactics successful in one area will work in every other area. Should be outsourced to a much more discerning group - the American pepple.

Recommendations: These negative hires would inspire confidence even in those who previously never considered "buying" anything from this company. Their replacements can and should be allowed to reorganize their departments as they see fit.

See also, WhiteHouseForSale.org.